1. Midway TacticsThree competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE".兩個競爭對手租下了商業(yè)街相連的店鋪。旁觀者等著看熱鬧。右邊的零售商掛起了巨大的招牌，上書：“大減價！”“超級便宜！”左邊的商店掛出了更大的招牌，聲稱：“價格大砍！”“驚人折扣！”中間的商人隨后準備了一個大招牌，上面只簡單地寫著：“入口處”。2. Very Pleased to Meet YouDuring World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said. "Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister." "I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!"在第二次世界大戰(zhàn)期間，許多年輕的英國女性加入了軍隊。瓊·菲利普斯是其中之一。她在一個大訓練營工作，當然遇到了很多男人，軍官和士兵。某個晚上，她在舞會上遇到了上尉漢弗萊斯。他對她說：“我明天就要出國，但如果我們能互相寫信，我會很高興。”瓊同意了，他們寫了幾個月的信。然后他的信停止了，但她收到了另一名軍官的信，告訴她他受傷了，在英國某個部隊醫(yī)院里。瓊?cè)チ四抢铮瑢ψo士長說：“我來拜訪上尉漢弗萊斯。”“這里只有親屬可以探望病人，”護士長說。“哦，沒關(guān)系，”瓊回答說，“我是他妹妹。”“非常高興認識你，”護士長說，“我是他母親！”3. Two SoldiersTwo soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?" Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him. Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one. Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?" Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door. George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped. "What do you want now?" Bill said to him. George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?"兩名士兵在軍營里。第一個叫喬治，第二個叫比爾。喬治問：“比爾，你有信紙和信封嗎？”比爾說：“有。”然后給了他。然后喬治說：“我現(xiàn)在沒有鋼筆。”比爾把自己的給了他，喬治寫了他的信。然后他把信放進信封里，說：“比爾，你有郵票嗎？”比爾給了他一張。然后比爾站起來，向門口走去。喬治說：“你要出去嗎？”比爾說：“是的。”隨即打開了門。喬治說：“請幫我把這封信投進辦公室的信箱里，還有...”他停住了。“你還要什么？”比爾問。喬治看著信封說：“你女朋友的地址是-？”4. Five Months OlderThe Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18. But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised. "How old are you?" he said. "Eighteen, sir," said John. "But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?" "Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am."第二次世界大戰(zhàn)開始了，約翰想?yún)④姡挥?6歲，規(guī)定只有18歲以上的男孩才能參軍。所以當軍醫(yī)給他體檢時，他說他已經(jīng)18歲了。但約翰的哥哥幾天前已經(jīng)加入了軍隊，而且同一個醫(yī)生也給他做了檢查。這位醫(yī)生記得那個大一點男孩的姓，所以當他看到約翰的表格時，感到非常驚奇。“你多大了？”他說。“十八，長官，”約翰說。“但你哥哥也是十八歲，”醫(yī)生說。“你們是雙胞胎嗎？”“哦，不是，長官，”約翰說，臉紅了。“我哥哥比我大五個月。”5. West PointMy father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point." One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point."父親、哥哥和我到西點軍校去觀看一場陸軍與波士頓學院之間的橄欖球賽。在比賽開始前，我們散步時遇到了許多穿著整齊制服的學員。一些來訪的球迷問新兵是否愿意為他們照相，以“讓我們的兒子知道，如果他到西點軍校來學習會得到什么。”一對中年夫婦走近一名非常漂亮的女學員，問她是否愿意擺個姿勢照相。他們解釋說：“我們想讓兒子知道他沒來西點軍校錯過了什么。”6. Present for GirlfriendAt a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked. The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again."在一家珠寶店里，一位年輕人買了一個貴重的小金盒作為送給女友的禮物。“我要在她的名字上刻字嗎？”珠寶商問道。那名顧客想了一會兒，然后說：“不，刻上‘給我唯一的愛’。這樣，如果我們分手了，我還可以再用。”7. Be Careful What You Wish ForA couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the husband‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety.一對結(jié)婚25周年的夫妻在慶祝他們六十歲的生日。他們恰好在同一天出生。慶祝活動中，一位仙女出現(xiàn)了。她說，由于他們是已經(jīng)結(jié)婚25年的恩愛夫妻，因此她給許給這對夫妻每個人一個愿望。妻子想周游世界。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一聲，她的手中出現(xiàn)了一張票。接下來該丈夫許愿了。他猶豫片刻，害羞地說，“那我想要一位比我年輕30歲的女人。”仙女拾起了魔術(shù)棒。“呯！”的一聲，他變成了90歲。8. Wood FireOne woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Husbands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened." "Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?"一名婦女向她最好的朋友大談雄性動物的特性：“丈夫們就像是森林里的火，一不注意，他們就會燃燒起來。”“那是不是意味著，”另一個問道，“他們將自己燒成灰燼?”9. Best RewardA naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him."The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in."一名海軍軍官從甲板上掉入海中。他被一名甲板水手救起。這位軍官問如何才能酬