1. Since I was a girl, my mother decreed that I must swear an oath: to find a path to power through a noble brow.2. I wed once for love, then my senses awakened; I realized I must secure a husband with a name of stature.3. For my second marriage, I knew precisely what to do. Within a year or two, my second husband fell gravely ill.4. Problem one solved; now, on to problem two. My husband's doe-eyed, innocent daughter, with her gentle perspective.5. Would I send her off to school? No! I decreed she stay, but earn her keep.6. And so, she became the maid! She was slothful, mad, communing with the mice, hopelessly naive; she had to pay the price.7. I banished her to the attic, out of sight and out of mind. I could have cast her out, but I am benevolent and kind.8. Mother, your heart is too big for its own good! I knew what I had to do. Difficult children take advantage of your good nature, so you lock them up, throw away the key!9. Every family tree has one: ungrateful, hateful, vile—the things she puts you through!